Lately, I haven't been so deep in my thoughts about my problems...but there's always this nagging in the deep night. It calls you, summons you, and it imprisons you to the point that you end up catching sleep at the break of day. When it's greyish-blue outside your window pane. You lay there just attempting to manage your pain. This is a really depressing post. I've lost people in my life not-so-recently, no, they haven't passed away, but they're just not there anymore. There's never closure. I don't know why. I guess I just tend to gravitate around people who don't like sticking around..or staying with me too long. It's pretty sick really. You just feel worthless afterwards, like, "I wasn't even worth a goodbye or a proper explanation so that I can move the fuck on. So that I don't end up a mess being strung along these sleepless nights wondering what I did wrong, that I must be so horrible to not even deserve loyalty or at least honesty." It gets really hard sometimes, but I can honestly say I'm doing better. I just need to give myself room to breathe, time to just let go, and make space for new people that understand me well. Anyway, I'm sure one of you out there feels this way..just want this to be a reminder that you aren't alone. We'll get through this bullshit together.
Always, Jo
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